The battle of worth is not a defender of life, identity, love, or confidence, nor does it have the underpinnings of grace. I have found that when self-worth is damaged, it influences every facet of life and the lives of those held close. My own journey to understanding that God sees me differently than I (see) me, knowing that I have worth, that life is worth living and that I am loved unconditionally is something that has not come easy. This aspect of life is something where I have had to deeply study God’s Word, spend a lot of time getting to know God in an intimate way, and ultimately, see the real meaning of love through my husband’s eyes in order to comprehend how to see through the eyes of Jesus in both a practical and spiritual way.
At a young age, unknown by my family, there had been major damage to my life and body (emotionally and physically) by those that meant to harm and hurt. Because of these hidden and painful events, I ended up stuck in abuse emotionally and physically later in life. I thank God I was brought out of that life and had the opportunity to go through some really great therapies with godly advice which was amazing, but knowing worth— it just seemed to keep evading me— even when a lot of healing had already taken place.
The fingerprints of (unworthiness) touch many things, but I now understand that the fingerprints of God, those impressions, are much stronger and more powerful; it just took me a while to know how to see them. Glimpses of worth came from unexpected places as God brought very specific people to minister to my heart and mind; there were those that spoke life in ways they probably did not even realize, and sometimes I was even blinded to it. The people who do speak life to you (don’t overlook them) as the enemy will try to blind you! Always remember— your words may be life to someone else or (even yourself).
One example where this happened is when I met my husband. Now, I was told by many that if I did not love myself, I would not be able to be a good wife or really love someone else well. I believed this for some time and asked God for help because I honestly could not love myself well or even know how to love or see myself the way God does. This was kind of ironic because I seemed to be able to see others through God’s eyes, just not myself! The desire to become a wife and a mother was deeply seated in my heart but with all of the past things that had happened to me, I was not sure this would ever be a reality both physically or mentally.
One day I fell upon my bed with tears overflowing and said “Lord, I surrender my life and my future to you. I only want who you want for me and I ask that you would bring them into my life in your timing.” I honestly gave marriage and motherhood into God’s hands and let go of anything I was hanging on to in order to try to find someone or make things happen on my own—- Two weeks later — I met my future husband and God’s timing was perfect.
I may not have understood how to see myself as God did at the time, but God knew that through my husband’s eyes I could see His love in a brand new way. He knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it. From the experiences I had in dating, I never knew that a man could truly love me for just being me, and it was through the eyes of my husband that God showed me a new definition of the word love as I had never known before. To this day (many years later) my husband continues to love like Jesus and still furthers my understanding every day of the unconditional love of God. Through him, God showed me worthiness that I had never been able to see before and I will forever be thankful.
Now, this does not mean everything is perfect and that I never battle unworthiness, truthfully, it still rears its unfortunate issues sometimes. When these types of issues arise and I am in the heat of the battle, if I do not take heed or arm myself properly, life can become arduous and angled towards the pit of despair, turning my heart and mind towards the lies of the enemy— which lets depression sneak into the soul. This depression and unworthiness (a feeling) then affect my life and those around me.
Something that I found is essential to remember is that the “feeling” unworthy is just that, a feeling (it is not the truth) and we are NOT our feelings. Our feelings do not have to identify or dictate who we are, but our true identity is found in Jesus. Understanding this is very important to getting and staying out of that pit I was talking about earlier. God views us as WORTHY to be saved. His grace is sufficient and He sees us as new as soon as we have a repentant heart towards Him and accept who He is, therein becoming a new creation, letting our beauty and identity honestly be in Him.
Your situation may be similar or different; maybe you have not yet met someone whose eyes shine Jesus. Be on the lookout for those that His light shines through because when you see this, don’t let the enemy blind you— because seeing that is a beautiful thing to let your heart hold onto.
Know that God’s unconditional love is available to you and His power can work through you. You are seen, loved, desired, and KNOWN by Him.
Rose Ward is a Homeschool Mama, Developmental Editor, Writer, Designer and Artist. She is also studying to become a Functional Nutritionist and will be certified in (2022). Her heart is to bring nourishment, encouragement and inspiration! Rose is also the Founder of Bloom & Reed, an online platform that develops and creates content and educational resources for Christian Women in Ministry, Youth, and Children. You can connect with her by going to bloomandreed.com or find her at her new blog ministrymoms.org.